Character Is a Verb
“Do you ever wonder why your child knows the right thing to do — but doesn't always do it?”
Knowing what's right is not the same as practicing what's right. That's why Dr. Michele Borba often says character is a verb, not a noun. Children do not become kind, respectful, or responsible simply because we tell them to be. Those strengths grow through repeated action and real-life practice.
In UnSelfie, Dr. Borba explains that empathy and character work like muscles: the more children use them, the stronger they become. Every time your child helps someone, apologizes sincerely, includes another child, or takes responsibility for a mistake, they are strengthening their "character muscles."
This is why everyday opportunities matter so much. Character is not built in one big teaching moment — it's built in hundreds of small choices repeated over time. When parents consistently coach, guide, and model these behaviors, children slowly begin to internalize them.
The goal is not raising perfect children. The goal is helping children practice becoming thoughtful, caring, resilient humans who know how to act with integrity — even when it's difficult.
- 01Replace labels with actions: instead of "Be nice," say "Let's help him"
- 02Ask reflective questions: "What could you do differently next time?"
- 03Create small opportunities each day to practice kindness, responsibility, or empathy
When children repeatedly practice positive behaviors, those actions slowly become habits — and eventually part of their identity.
Children become compassionate by practicing compassion.
What Is Character
Character is not something children are born with — it's something they learn, practice, and strengthen over time.
Talking About Character
The most meaningful conversations about character rarely happen during big lectures — they happen in calm, everyday moments.
Empathy Starts with Noticing
Empathy begins with awareness. In UnSelfie, I explain that children must first learn to recognize emotions before they can respond with compassion.
Teach Perspective-Taking
Perspective-taking is one of the strongest builders of empathy. When children learn to think beyond their own experience, they become kinder, more patient, and less reactive.
Model Empathy Daily
The way parents speak to others, respond to stress, and handle disagreements teaches children what compassion looks like in real life.
Empathy Reduces Conflict
Empathy helps children manage conflict because it teaches them to think about how their actions affect others.