Talking About Character
“You want to raise a good person — but what do you actually say in the moment?”
The most meaningful conversations about character rarely happen during big lectures. They happen in calm, everyday moments — after a disagreement, during a car ride, or while reflecting on something that happened at school.
In The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Dr. Michele Borba emphasizes that lasting growth happens when parents shift from correcting behavior to coaching character. Instead of focusing only on what a child did wrong, parents can guide children to think about impact, responsibility, empathy, and repair.
Children do not automatically connect behavior to values. They need adults to help them make those connections. Questions like "How do you think that made her feel?" or "What would the right thing look like here?" help children develop self-awareness and moral thinking.
Over time, your voice becomes your child's inner voice. The way you respond to mistakes, frustration, and conflict shapes how your child learns to speak to themselves and navigate challenges later in life. The goal is not perfection — it's helping children reflect, repair, and grow.
- 01Keep conversations calm and short
- 02Ask reflective questions instead of long lectures
- 03Focus on repair and growth, not shame
These everyday conversations help children build empathy, accountability, resilience, and strong decision-making skills.
Small conversations shape strong character.
What Is Character
Character is not something children are born with — it's something they learn, practice, and strengthen over time.
Character Is a Verb
Knowing what's right is not the same as practicing what's right. Character is a verb, not a noun.
Empathy Starts with Noticing
Empathy begins with awareness. In UnSelfie, I explain that children must first learn to recognize emotions before they can respond with compassion.
Teach Perspective-Taking
Perspective-taking is one of the strongest builders of empathy. When children learn to think beyond their own experience, they become kinder, more patient, and less reactive.
Model Empathy Daily
The way parents speak to others, respond to stress, and handle disagreements teaches children what compassion looks like in real life.
Empathy Reduces Conflict
Empathy helps children manage conflict because it teaches them to think about how their actions affect others.